This is brilliant, and hilarious. My faves:
Ayn Rand
Workaholics seeking validation.
Michael Crichton
Doctors who went to third-tier medical schools.
John Grisham
Doctors who went to medical schools in the Dominican Republic. (NB: That would be my dad. I don’t think he would’a been into Grisham. Regardless: AW SNAP)
Hunter S Thompson
That kid in your philosophy class with the stupid tattoo.
Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Men who can’t lie but will instead be silent if they know you don’t want to hear the truth. (Sadly, this is probably me.)